Shortlotte B gazed at the calendar, her messy brow furrowed in disbelief. “Mid-November already? Feels like I blinked in January and landed here,” she said to Gattino, her cat who was more interested in her tail than the passage of time. She glanced at the unopened yoga mat she bought last year, a silent testament to her well-intentioned, yet unfulfilled resolutions.

“It’s like the avocado story,” she sighed, recalling her own analogy of life’s unpredictable ripeness. Was she not ready yet, or had she missed her moment? Shortlotte often found herself caught in this limbo, balancing between waiting for the perfect moment and fearing it had already slipped by.

As societal pressures, the haunting tick of her biological clock, and endless work deadlines loomed, Shortlotte’s default response was a tactical retreat to the sanctuary of her bed. There, under the covers with Gattino, the world’s demands seemed a little less daunting.

But one evening, as she scrolled through her feed of yoga flexing, house buying, baby cradling peers, Shortlotte had a revelation. “Why am I sprinting in a race I never signed up for?” She realized life wasn’t about ticking off societal checkboxes. It was about finding joy in the unticked ones.

The next morning, instead of unrolling the yoga mat, Shortlotte dusted off her old bicycle, a relic from more carefree days. As she pedaled through the streets, the wind in her hair, she felt a sense of liberation. This was her yoga, her meditation – moving at her own pace, on her own terms.

Mid-ride, her phone buzzed with an “URGENT” email. Old habits beckoned her to stop and respond. But Shortlotte kept pedaling, choosing the freedom of the moment over the chains of someone’s urgency.

That’s when it happened.

From out of nowhere, a flock of pigeons, perhaps in protest against the early morning peace, launched a coordinated assault. One bird, with the aim of a seasoned sniper, managed a direct hit – a well-aimed shit landed on Shortlotte’s head.

The absurdity of the situation struck her immediately. Here she was, trying to escape the metaphorical mess of life, only to be dive-bombed by a pigeon. She burst out laughing.

Post-ride and now safely at home, Shortlotte recounted her adventure to Gattino, who seemed to find her misfortune mildly amusing. Sipping her coffee, she mused, “Life’s like a bicycle ride – sometimes exhilarating, occasionally messy, and always unpredictable.”

She thought about the unexpected pigeon encounter. “Maybe the universe has a sense of humor after all,” she chuckled. “Or maybe it’s telling me to wear a helmet next time.”

Shortlotte’s journey had taken a hilariously unexpected turn, but it was moments like these – bizarre, unscripted, and utterly human – that made her life’s story so uniquely enchanting.

If Facts and Stats Were Done by Me, Shortlotte B:

• The Avocado Dilemma: Did you know that on average, a millennial spends 3 minutes deciding if an avocado is ripe, mirroring our indecisiveness in life? (Source: The Avocado Times)
• Yoga and Millennials: Statistics show that while 36% of millennials attempt to start yoga, only about 10% stick with it past a month. Looks like I’m not the only one with a pristine yoga mat! (Source: Fitness World Survey)
• Gym Commitments: Interestingly, 67% of gym memberships remain unused. Guess I’m not alone in the ‘I’ll go tomorrow’ brigade. (Source: Gym Stats Central)
• Pigeon Encounters: Did you know that in urban areas, a cyclist is statistically more likely to have a bird encounter than a country rider? It’s nature’s way of saying, ‘Welcome to the city!’ (Source: Urban Wildlife Institute)

In a world where numbers often dictate narratives, it’s refreshing to know that some stats are as relatable as they are humorous. So, whether you’re wrestling with an avocado or a yoga mat, remember, you’re part of a much larger, wonderfully whimsical statistic.

Catch ya on the flip side, misfits! – Shortlotte B